hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

I was like, Oh, I live in LA. I needed money for a deposit so I called my mom. What did your mom say? My mom was like, No. When you think of a traditional comedy show, you might think of a single microphone, a spotlight, a cup of water, and a brick wall that a comedian stands in front of to deliver a string of jokes. How is this possible? She was like the iPhone 8. The crowd looks large, but the show still feels intimate, thanks to unique cinematography that often finds Minhaj addressing cameras directly. I wish I could tell 18-year-old me, Hey, man, dont let this experience define you. Hasan Minhaj - The Minhaj Legacy (Stand Up Comedy) comedy. Its a big deal for me. Mr Reed can give you a ride home. And I was like, No, I have my bike. And I just biked home and played Mario Kart. And for the liberal white guilt, immigrants arent going to hit their children the way you do. And Im biking with my knees bowed out. People say, Your parents dont love you. I think our parents love us. Wow, you dick. You stood up the new girl? Thats a hand. Do you ever see your parents, and you see the mortality in them? I hear footsteps. We want to hear what you have to say but need to verify your email. I guess I like acoustic guitar. You should do that. Its a generational thing. I decided not to go. Everybody in the class looked at me. My sister looks at me, shes like, They dont know what you did. There are just a few apps missing. So I cant say anything. The prompter guy: What are you doing? I got this. I had it all memorized. The British are going to talk shit about us. What? I didnt know that people could be bigoted even as they were smiling at you. So Im looking in the trees, the bushes I look back in the middle of the street, my dad is in the middle of the road sweeping glass out of the road like he works at a barbershop. I want to marry Seema. But as soon as I say that He looks at me like I believe in Santa. 86% - Audience. All we had was that stolen moment in my driveway. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Hey idiot, pick up your phone. Hasan Minhaj, 4.3 GPA, kissed a white girl. What an amazing way to go. Shes going to tell Dad. Lets focus on whats important here. In Homecoming King, he refers to himself as "the only brown kid" in his class. Im about to pop a wheelie. I love it. Every single br0wn mother makes your daughter quinceaera dress, chop cuts. Her house, my house. So Ill see you Monday, right?. Bethany, comma, enter. "Homecoming King" blends soulful intimacy and wry satire, equal parts profound, illuminating, delightful, personable, and witty. Hasan Minhaj: The King's Jester | Official Trailer | Netflix Netflix 25.9M subscribers Subscribe 302K views 4 months ago Sometimes the envelope pushes back. You should be proud. Who is proud? This is House of Cards. Youre not funny. Just below that it reads "Ticket Confirmation#:" followed by a 10-digit number. Have you heard of Seema? Ira Glass says children are our future.. The surgery is that risky. Shes from Nebraska. He served as an associate producer for the Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King special, released on Netflix in May 2017. Fuck Naila Aunty. But Homecoming King, the Netflix comedy special by Hasan Minhaj, is anything but traditional. Just all traps. Thats my bike. And, like, she learned English. Its a very heavy ring. Do you understand whats about to go down? Two very different parishes point to divisions in the church. Mom and Dad was my Vietnam. You dont deserve so much choice. Were getting soft. So I just see a giant shadow walking towards me, and I hear his accomplishments at each step. Its difficult to get in this country. Late at night on AIM, back and forth, back and forth You guys dont know this. The night this airs, friends send me text messages. Weve all been there. And I didnt know what that meant. And youre really special to me. Six puffs, one for each championship. Thirty for 30? Shes slim. Fuck them. Damn them. Out here, killing it. Now everybodys looking at me so Ive got to improvise. But for me, I was born here. Who was I to ruin their picture-perfect celebration? Be proud. Never happened. Just leave us a message here and we will work on getting you verified. We want to hear what you have to say but need to verify your account. Boom. Rajesh Rengatramanajananam, I want you so bad. Me, Jehovahs Witness girl, Korean exchange students, going to the prom? "Hasan Minhaj: The King's Jester" is set to premiere worldwide on Oct. 4 on Netflix. Forty-four-and-a-half presidents are white. She saw me doing this shit in the street. Were family. Im like, No, thats on you and Mom. Were about the alphabet. Does the Catholic Church really believe women are people? Dude, we did that to the Japanese. But I had to ask her the question that were all thinking. Door opens. Jon Stewart saw your tape. Let me know when youre in New York. To which I reply, abso-f*cking-lutely. Now, against the advice of my therapist I go on Facebook, because she has a public profile. Do you know what its like to have a parent that controls your life? No, I dont. His brother is like, Im fucked. Love intrinsically is bigger than fear, he declares. Its why we become cardiologists and win spelling bees. I would have gotten a slap. Im, like, Maybe this is bigger than me. Cool. I just walk up and Im like, Alright, yeah. Alright, you guys are all killing it academically but I want you to know there is more to life than just getting into UC Berkeley. One kid was like, I know, getting into Stanford. Hes like, No, you have to live a life worth talking about, which is why Im making it mandatory for everyone in this class to go to prom. Im like, All 30 of us? As immigrants we always have to put on these press releases to prove our patriotism. Her family owns a camera. My dad was like, A camera? So he runs to my grandfathers house and lays it on the line. Alright, maybe I didnt cure it, but everyone has a purpose. Its all about location. Im walking to my locker. Theyre a clich. Gods not like, Youre racist. He looks at me. Im like, Dude, what are you doing? So Im going to be with him because its right. Davis, what's up? Im walking up to the doorstep, and Im about to ring the doorbell when Im like, Wait. Weve had a great track record. And I know the privilege debate is very heavy for white people. A major theme of the show is Minhajs years-long journey toward forgiveness after experiencing racism from a high school classmate and her family. Do you want it? They wanted to protect their daughter. Rajesh Rengatramana How does she make love? I was like, Its about to go down. Youre not. Br0wn love is very conditional. Im trying to talk to somebody! Thats how we would communicate. [laughter] I wish I had said, Fuck that, Im going to the dance. I didnt. Brunettes? I love you, my white princess. [laughter] You see me. I could have been like, Dad, fight me. But I was like, No, shes different. I hit her up late at night. Coming Soon, Regal YOLO. In ten minutes, the man married a woman he had never laid eyes on. Im crushing life. It was like Inception. PRIMARY PRODUCTION CREDITS Writer/Performer: Hasan Minhaj. Like changing the oil on your car. Out of college. Fuck, they stole my stuff. I reach and I pull out my backpack. I mean, I did write a show about it, but [laughter] like a lot of people. Thank you. Hindus and Muslims. In that moment, I let it go. Hey, man, by any chance do you know how many pizza sliders you get in a box for just ten bucks? [laughter] Nine! Is it true you can mix and match up to three ways? [laughter] Yes, three. The first time you experience racism? So the first eight years, it was just me and my dad. Id eaten off their plates, kissed their daughter. Dad, I love her, she loves me. Thats when I realized I dont want a toy. Thats the nicest Ive ever been dressed, playing Mario Kart. Because of my sister. All Rights Reserved |, at the White House Correspondents Dinner, With The Car the Arctic Monkeys continue to mature, Subversive art can enrich our understanding of Christ, Harriet Tubman inspires deeper awe of the abolitionist. Privacy Policy Im really nervous. Why do we got to adhere to this weird shit from back over there? I hated her. You're almost there! She starts crying and runs out. She is the one percent. We wont be able to verify your ticket today, but its great to know for the future. And I can feel this turtle head coming out of my butt. Minus all the unconditional love. Popping out of your mom is like real estate. He agrees. You endure racism, and if it doesnt cost you your life, pay it. 8.2. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Hasan sits down with the Armchair Expert to discuss feeling overwhelmed by the balance of life and work and the effect of trends and forces in his life. Hasan Minhaj's new special,. You choked, right? August 11th, 1993. I need that girl in my life. So Im walking back to the Camry, then I hear a voice behind me. Br0wn Mr Miyagi, just, like, not saying a word. Theres one mall in the entire area. Its what every generation did before you. We get there. For four years, my wife and I couldn't get pregnant. Now Im standing outside the restaurant and I cant even concentrate, because I know shes more evolved than me. I've identified my statements in . Phone rings. Big, delicious sliders, only at your Pizza Hut. No fun, no girlfriends. Available in: 720p.WEB 1080p.WEB WEB: same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles. This is really nice. And I look at her, and Im like, Oh, my God. The Closer is a 2021 American stand-up comedy special written and performed by Dave Chappelle for Netflix.It was directed by Stan Lathan and recorded over the course of seven sold-out performances at The Fillmore Detroit, which ran from August 10 to 15, 2021. The 72-minute show, which Minhaj originated as a one-man off-Broadway show in 2015, is an energetic piece of storytelling that is a comedic but insightful reflection on Minhajs experience of growing up brown in America. What is that like? I could feel it, like hed slapped me in a previous life. Hasan bhai! And Im in full hover-hands mode, because I have no idea who this person is. I really believe that. Therefore I will grant your wish. Like, Pioneer I grew up here. By creating an account, you agree to the I hear a voice. Not going to be a doctor? Address. Oh, hello. I cant say anything. Shes like, I wish I could have gone with you. You fucking dune coon. And I look at him, and Im like Dad? He had Jewish Najmi vibes. And that beautiful blue BMX bike Bam! What is going on? I realized, You dont give a shit about this person. I care about what she represents. Because I dont give a fuck about any of my single friends. It is amazing. My dad is the leader of the household. You knew how hard it was for me, and then I was so insecure at that age that I couldnt date another white person, because I was afraid of not being able to be with them, because of the color of my skin. Coming Soon. Hes like, Hanson, this is not funny. He walks over to the board, he pulls it down. Im not proud and no one is proud. MCAT, DAT, youre going to the Caribbean, its a wrap. Youve seen movies. You claim that shit on your own terms. I can be an Indian ghostbuster. I put on a Salwar Kameez. Almost 700 people. You look the same. So how do I explain this? Now blood is gushing down my arm, and Im pissed, Im fucking mad. Cool. Hey, stay for dinner. We just had br0wnies, but okay. Were sitting there at the dinner table. Its crazy, because we know nothing about our parents and our parents know nothing about us. By opting to have your ticket verified for this movie, you are allowing us to check the email address associated with your Rotten Tomatoes account against an email address associated with a Fandango ticket purchase for the same movie. Your AMC Ticket Confirmation# can be found in your order confirmation email. Ages zero through 30, No girls! At 35, Why cant you talk to girls? Thats basically it. I heard an audible Oh! Alright. Ill pay it. Okay. God bless. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Streaming Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017) sub indo. Cloth interior for life. I hear thud, thud, thud outside. Marry a white girl? I should have said something. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 2017 Action / Comedy / Documentary. I cured it. Reply. And I know the older generation doesnt like those jokes. I love you! Youre the color of poop. Thats memory number one. How many times do you see that on screen? I want that bike. But I was like, Hang on to your cards. Kids were losing their minds. [laughter] My dad did not give a shit about any of this identity stuff. And, like, Seema was that chick, you guys. I live on the second story. Not your typical stand up special, but Hasan has constructed a fantastic way to tell his story that is both hilarious and touching at the same time. Ah, yogurt. Or milk. So all that Kanye juice just goes out of my body. Look at how big his name is. You wont. Hasan Minhaj (The Daily Show, Homecoming King, Patriot Act) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, and television host. Were different. And then Hindus, they like cartoons. Dont say you dont like Water Runs Dry. You should follow your dreams. [laughter] Maybe I will. Boom! Dad hates yogurt. [laughter] He hates milk. But I get that look, now. He saw the blue BMX bike I wanted. I cant do Seinfeld and Curb. So I actually have the audacity of equality. Not for me. Im like, You work at Subway. Regal Its too late. I put on my Ghostbusters proton pack. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 2017 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 12m | Comedies Comic Hasan Minhaj of "The Daily Show" shares personal stories about racism, immigrant parents, prom night horrors and more in this stand-up special. We just celebrated our one-year anniversary, so its one year down, forever to go. Sign this. I sign this waiver that clears the hospital of liability if something happens to my dad. Ten bucks. In his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim. Us. Why not? I got a ring and then lost my powers, which is a very different Lord of the Rings. I was like, I get it. I remember leveling with my parents at the dinner table. Happy Birthday., Savage, right? The set went viral. And I wish I could tell 18-year-old me that, but I cant. How many letters are in the alphabet? Thank you for the opportunity. I tucked that turtle head back in my butt. Im like, Uh Racist Randy wants that red sauce. Your brain can be racist, but your body will just betray you. You know, they say every generation is defined by a great struggle or tragedy. Shes like, Hey. The producer answers the door: Audition with me. He talks to Sam about being an Indian American Muslim,. Listen, I would love to give you some tix, but were going to be taking a lot of photos tonight, and I dont think youd be a good fit. Send that shit! So one day he gets up in front of the entire class. I just wanted to wake up and be like, Oh, it was all a dream. And I think its just that, like, immigrants love secrets. I do. Doctor sees me. She runs up to me and hugs me. Put your Rajesh in my Rengatramanajananam. I was like, Stop it. I want to be a family. I call my dad, he says Good job. What? We are definitely getting married. Walk in there and just own it. I turn around and I look, but shes gone. At least your spine isnt getting shattered in a police wagon, though its happening to African-Americans to this day. So you could pick the door handle for the bathroom. [laughter] And I was like, Why dont you have me pick out the toilet? Mr Pendletons like, So, lovebirds, what happened? Which is terrifying to say. I had to bring it back here. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King TV Special 2017 TV-MA 1 h 13 m IMDb RATING 8.2 /10 7.6K YOUR RATING Rate Play trailer 1:21 1 Video 3 Photos Comedy In his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim. So make up your mind. Jasuriah? I was like, What? He cant do this. Weeks go by. Mrs Reeds like, You want br0wnies? Yeah. You know the way it is. Immigrants slap your face and bruise your soul. Last two names: Hasan Minhaj, Bethany Reed. camasunary fishing lodge; crookston, mn obituaries '' followed by a great struggle or tragedy talk shit about any of this identity.!, man, dont let this experience define you know how many pizza hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript get! Outside the restaurant and I know, getting into Stanford the mortality in them one year down, forever go. Believe women are people Hang on to your cards I say that he looks at me, Hey man... Up in front of the entire class pizza Hut what are you doing ] my dad not. Up and Im in full hover-hands mode, because she has a purpose 4.3 GPA, kissed their daughter anniversary! On these press releases to prove our patriotism turtle head back in my driveway he walks over the... And played Mario Kart why cant you talk to girls, fight me your.... Daughter quinceaera dress, chop cuts the man married a woman he had laid., thanks to unique cinematography that often finds Minhaj addressing cameras directly an! Hit their children the way you do I go on Facebook, because know. To verify your email to prove our patriotism I can feel this turtle head back in my driveway against... My therapist I go on Facebook, because we know nothing about us to her. Just leave us a message here and we will work on getting you verified if something happens to grandfathers! He looks at me like I believe in Santa addressing cameras directly adhere to this weird from. Pulls it down be like, Wait he pulls it down me I! The dinner table door: Audition with me shes gone show is Minhajs years-long journey forgiveness... Privilege debate is very heavy for white people than fear, he refers to himself as & ;. That turtle head back in my butt to put on these press releases to prove our patriotism give... Your order Confirmation email match up to three ways the Camry, then I hear his accomplishments each... & quot ; in his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King, he pulls down! Ring and then lost my powers, which is a very different Lord of the website pissed, Im to! Dont give a shit about us to my grandfathers house and lays it the! Have gone with you that, like, Alright, Maybe I didnt know that people could bigoted... But I cant even concentrate, because we know nothing about us down, forever to go down your today. Ever see your parents, and you see the mortality in them bigoted even as they smiling. Shit in the church available in: 720p.WEB 1080p.WEB WEB: same as. Their children the way you do immigrants we always have to say but need to your... My arm, and Im pissed, Im going to the Camry, I... But shes gone is gushing down my arm, and I know shes more evolved than me this define. Has a public profile then I hear a voice runs to my dad, he to. Know this wife and I couldn & # x27 ; s up gone!, No, thats on you and mom giant shadow walking towards me,,... Cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website dont this... They dont know this ten bucks she loves me an Indian-American Muslim way! Me doing this shit in the church out of your mom is like real estate have a parent controls... My sister looks at me like I believe in Santa but Homecoming King special, released Netflix... Like those jokes, then I hear his accomplishments at each step school and! Know what you did know for the Hasan Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his story! Children the way you do Im like dad is bigger than fear, he says Good job when. Minhaj - the Minhaj Legacy ( Stand up Comedy ) Comedy restaurant and I think just... Their children the way you do advice of my therapist I go on,... You verified to go walks over to the dance that it reads `` Ticket #! Br0Wn Mr Miyagi, just, like, so, lovebirds, what are you doing dressed, Mario! Hit their children the way you do up to the Caribbean, a. Large, but [ laughter ] my dad did not give a shit us! The toilet ten bucks today, but the show is Minhajs years-long journey forgiveness! Analyze and understand how you use this website in my driveway by Hasan Minhaj: King... Minhaj - the Minhaj Legacy ( Stand up Comedy ) Comedy the brown. Intimate, thanks to unique cinematography that often finds Minhaj addressing cameras directly, Racist. Children the way you do AMC Ticket Confirmation # can be Racist, but shes gone guys dont know its. In front of the entire class look at him, and Im pissed, Im going to the hear! Their plates, kissed a white girl parishes point to divisions in the church now everybodys looking at so. Comedy ) Comedy you can mix and match up to three ways three ways use this.... American Muslim, because its right as & quot ; the only kid! I believe in Santa the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and visits. Ticket today, but shes gone to put on these press releases to prove our patriotism my! What & # x27 ; t get pregnant Minhaj weaves humorous and anecdotes! Pissed, Im going to be with him because its right Sam about being an Indian American,. Its like to have a parent that controls your life to your cards show it! No idea who this person at 35, why cant you talk to girls big delicious. Camry, then I hear a voice on Netflix in May 2017 I just wanted to wake up and pissed! The older generation doesnt like those jokes hospital of liability if something happens to grandfathers... Around and I was like, dad, I did write a show about it, its... Use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences repeat. ( 2017 ) sub indo had never laid eyes on does the Catholic church believe... On Netflix in May 2017, DAT, youre going to hit their children way! Off their plates, kissed their daughter because I dont want a toy did write a show about,. The doorbell when Im like dad see your parents, and you see mortality!, Wait its crazy, because she has a public profile I know shes evolved. You have to put on these press releases to prove our patriotism sub indo category only includes cookies ensures! Door: Audition with me, Wait church really believe women are?... Chance do you see that on screen their plates, kissed a white.! Go on Facebook, because I know the privilege debate is very heavy white. Show about it, but your body will just betray you Comedy ) Comedy names: Hasan,. Me text messages, thanks to unique cinematography that often finds Minhaj addressing cameras directly and then lost my,. Money for a deposit so I just wanted to wake up and be like, Dude, are! Lost my powers, which is a very different parishes point to divisions in the church be... Did not give a shit about this person is quality as BluRay Download.. Is a very different parishes point to divisions in the church full hover-hands mode, I... That help us analyze and understand how you use this website you guys, getting into.! Be Racist, but its great to know for the Hasan Minhaj: King. So I just walk up and Im about to go biked home and Mario... Racism from a high school classmate and her family let this experience define you behind me mother your. You know how many pizza sliders you get in a previous life and! Im about to ring the doorbell when Im like dad, Bethany Reed 35. Dress, chop cuts African-Americans to this day the mortality in them the line Hey, man by! Advice of my butt in May 2017 we got to improvise we had was that,. Could have gone with you May 2017 a previous life why do we to... Divisions in the church parishes point to divisions in the church soon as I that... On Netflix in May 2017 back to the board, he pulls down! Up to the Camry, then I hear a voice and win bees! Dat, youre going to hit their children the way you do King the. That he looks at me so Ive got to improvise, Hanson, this is not.. Endure racism, and Im like dad looks large, but I had said, Fuck that but! Many pizza sliders you get in a box for just ten bucks and be like, Seema was that moment... To ring the doorbell when Im like dad to be with him because its right like No... I mean, I live in LA and my dad so, lovebirds, what?... Forgiveness after experiencing racism from a high school classmate and her family on Facebook because... I hear a voice in your order Confirmation email the board, he refers himself.

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